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Archive Number 3574

Date: Sat, 17 Jan 2004 09:58:16 -0800
From: joan stockbridge
Subject: Re: Abusive Stories


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Dear Ann,

Thank you for this story, which has really moved and inspired me. Brother'
Blue's deep compassion, and abiltity to live in love, not only for the
distraught man but the whole group, is a deep teaching for me.

I think Mary's original question -about whether telling deeply negative
stories can be traumatizing to the listeners- is really important. In
general, I think that it is appropriate to share those kinds of stories when
the group has given permission, explicitly or implicitly, to listen to those
types of stories. The goal of the group, the intent of the teller, and and
purpose for telling all go into whether or not it is appropriate to share
those kinds of stories. For example, in the therapeutic groups I work in, it
is expected and encouraged that people will tell their personal stories of
abuse, violence, etc. The focus is not on the material as "story" but as
life-sharing, as a way towards individual and collective healing. In
storytelling groups, usually permission to tell about deep traumas has not
been given, unless the teller has really worked through their material and
is able to present it artistically, skillfully, structured as story, not a
therapeutic sharing.

Members of community storytelling guilds often shudder at the idea of
"personal storytelling" because they think it means that they will have to
give a platform to people unloading personal traumas and making them (the
guild listeners) into an unwilling therapy group. Obviously I think that's
an unfair rap on personal storytelling. But it is a really interesting
question of how to set expectations about what is tellable in a public
storytelling setting. Loren Niemi and Elizabeth Ellis' book, Inviting the
Wolf In, is a really good book about telling dark and difficult personal
stories and suggests processes and exercises the teller might go through to
prepare such a story for public telling.

The thing about Brother Blue that moved me so much was his ability to
respond in love when the norms were violated-- and to bring light and
healing to listeners as well as the distraught teller. The group was
obviously not expecting the kind of material the man brought, yet Brother
Blue was able to widen the circle, in that moment, to make it alright to
include the outsider and his dark and scary stuff. Inevitably, we all get
into situations when we are over our head (I certainly do, finding myself on
the edges of scary stuff all the time with the homeless and emotionally
volatile people I story-share with regularly) and thinking of Brother
Blue's simple, warm, practical, hands-on response will be really helpful to
me.

Thanks so much.

Joan

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